Deep in a YouTube rabbit hole one night, I found a vid from a jazz festival. In it, the composer of the Grange Hill theme was covering another great theme – Grandstand. It struck me at that point that we’re long removed from the golden era of TV themes that both tunes were from, as no shows in the modern age seem to put in any effort.
That is of course, apart from kids’ TV shows.
CBeebies, Milkshake and their ilk have become the last bastion of specially written TV themes. Unlike adult television, just slapping down a moody, atmospheric instrumental won’t cut it for whimsical cartoons. They demand bright, catchy little numbers that get stuck in your head all day.
As parents, we’re exposed to these same ditties over and over again, day after day. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have been found humming the Zingzillas theme at work, or whistling Justin’s House in the supermarket. Justin’s House doesn’t even have a good theme tune. It’s just on all the time (I swear Justin’s got something on some BBC exec).
When a childrens’ TV theme tune is actually good then, you really have no chance. This isn’t a best of all time list (so no heavy hitters like Grange Hill, Bangers and Mash, or Roobarb), but rather a current top 10.
10. Andy’s Prehistoric/Dinosaur/Safari Adventures
Doesn’t matter which one – they’re all the same.
And why not? Everyone’s favourite Fatima Whitbread lookalike knows he struck gold the first time round. Following in the footsteps of Dennis Waterman and Kelsey Grammer, Andy decided HIS show should have HIS dulcet tones for the theme.
When it comes to CBeebies, you’re either Team Andy or Team Justin. I defy anyone though to resist Andy’s call to arms for his time-travelling escapades – “HEY JOIN THE CREW!”
Special mention for his occasional alphabet songs with that little mousy guy too – they’re pretty funky.
9. In the Night Garden
Rather than being a great track (though it’s still pleasant enough), In the Night Garden’s theme is instead a multimedia experience.
A soothing spoken-word intro starts out like one of those new Headspace-style meditation apps. We’re then greeted with our hero, Iggle Piggle, sailing alone on a pitch black sea, before allowing the waves to let himself and his raft drift away. The orchestra swells as he disappears over the horizon, only to reappear in his own dream to be reunited with his friends.
I’m not ashamed to tell you, that during one particular run of sleepless nights and busy working days, the sight of this beautiful intro made me tear up a bit for no real reason. Is Iggle Piggle still alone and lost at sea when he wakes? Worse still, in taking his little sail down and drifting away, has he given up on any chance of survival? “This is the way to the garden of the night” started to feel a tad funereal after considering that.
Of course, any sleep-deprived new dad moved to tears by the its opening, soon starts to feel a bit of a tit when he sees the rest of the batshit show and the ungodly racket it makes throughout. Perhaps Iggle Piggle would be better off dying alone at sea after all.
8. Twirlywoos
I may be a little biased with this one, as I have fond memories of my son singing along when he was a tot. I say ‘singing’, he just used to shout out “Mee!” along with the quacky birds.
It’s a decent-enough folksy tune in its own right, but we’re all only there for when he introduces the characters.
Tell me you’ve not sung along to “Chickedeeeeeeeeeeee CHICK!” and I’ll take you to a mirror and show you a liar.
7. Baby Jake
Apparently the producers of Baby Jake faced some opposition to the idea of a child narrating a children’s programme. Sure, I can understand how risky it must be to have a 5-year-old narrate a show (when my son was five, he’d have definitely tried to sneak the word ‘poo’ in there somehow), but the kid absolutely nailed it.
The young narrator even managed to lend his voice to the theme tune too. Child actors can be, well, not always Oscar worthy shall we say. Although we don’t see the narrator on screen to really test his acting chops though, the voice work alone for a five-year-old kid is pretty remarkable. I’m not sure that a middle-aged bloke singing “Goggy gee-ah!” would have had quite the same charm.
6. Let’s Go For a Walk
…With Ranger Hamza by our siiiiiiiide.
A new entry in the top ten as this relatively simple ditty gets stuck in our heads.
If I’m honest, I’m torn a bit on this one. As a standalone song, it’s nothing special. The quality that this theme offers however, is that it’s always going to get sung around the house.
“What shall we do today?”
“LET’S GO FOR A WAAAAALK!”
I really need to start shifting some weight”
“LET’S GO FOR A WAAAAALK!”
“Oh look, it’s one of those CBeebies pantomimes that’s on for three hours”
“LET’S GO FOR A WAAAAALK!”
Sorry. I couldn’t find a video for this one. I knew I should’ve gone for Kiri and Lou instead.
5. Sarah and Duck
Quack.
4.Waffle the Wonder Dog
“So many nights we’re awake when you’re woofing. We still love you”
I certainly wouldn’t. He’s a talking dog. What’s he pissing about woofing for?
I didn’t realise this incongruity till my wife pointed it out though. I was too busy belting out that rousing chorus.
Everybody!
Seriously though, if kids’ TV was a music festival, “WAFFLE DOGGY!” would be the singalong anthem ringing out through the crowd.
Loses points because the “oh oh oh oh”, really should’ve been “woof woof woof woof” instead. That’s what I sing anyway. Turns out I do more barking than Waffle.
3. Raa Raa the Noisy Lion
Now we’re really starting to dig into some real gold. Raa Raa’s tune could’ve been plucked from the golden era of children’s theme tunes. It’s timeless.
Some of the tunes on this list have probably been done in-house by a production crew who just got lucky with something catchy (Sarah and Duck I’m looking at you). I’d be surprised if Raa Raa wasn’t composed by a professional.
My only gripe is the name of one of the characters: the giraffe is named Topsy.
There’s been a handful of inflammatory newspaper articles whinging about minority groups being “over-represented” on TV lately. If they want to complain about some real disproportionate representation, they should take a look at CBeebies instead. There’s this giraffe, the girl from Topsy and Tim, and that triceratops from My Petsaurus that all share the name ‘Topsy’.
Has anyone ever met a Topsy in real life? Why are there so many Topsys? Topsies? Topsii?
2. Blue’s Clues and You
“Let’s begin with a paw print”.
Blue’s Clues is ram-packed full of little ditties. I’m starting to think that all the animated characters are just figments of Josh’s imagination though, as just like anybody who has the house to themselves always does, he sings stupid little songs about every mundane task he performs.
You know the type. You’re on the way to the fridge and start singing about egg sarnies without thinking. We all do this though…don’t we?
Josh from Blue’s Clues doubles down on this however, and any parents of kids who watch it will be familiar with at least four or five different Blue’s Clues tunes. My favourite is the mailtime one.
What makes the theme tune so great is Josh’s performance. This isn’t a wry, tongue-in-cheek rendition from someone conscious that he’s an adult talking to a cartoon dog.
Josh goes all-in. He’s living this shit.
1. Love Monster
Wow! This week’s highest new entry goes straight to the top!
I have no option than to sing along to this in my house, as every time it comes on, my 1-year-old daughter turns in her high chair to look at me expectantly. Luckily it’s a groovy little number, and we all love it anyway.
This is the only theme tune that causes my little girl to beam a massive smile just on hearing it. Shoot me down if you like, but for that reason alone, it’s my number one.
Have I made any glaring omissions? Would you be interested in seeing an all-time list? Let me know, and tell us your favourites below, on Facebook, or on Twitter.
Sucker for a list? What about the best outdoor toys?
Hell, I’ll rank anything. Even table sauces from best to worst. Spoiler: ketchup doesn’t win.