Whether you’ve had your kids back at school for a couple of weeks, or already have them off, there’s nothing that strikes fear into the hearts of parents than the school summer holidays.
That’s right, the schools are due to break up for 6 weeks of bickering, whinging and trashed living rooms. You can empty the bath and unplug the toaster though, because we’ve got the ultimate summer holiday survival checklist for you to ensure that you’re well prepared for the wall of noise and tantrums heading your way.
Snacks
Statistics show that the two words kids say most during the summer holidays are “I’m hungry”.*
It doesn’t matter how big you make their portions, your kids will still be peckish several times between each meal. Your job now is to empty the spare room/basement/garage and fill it with crisps. Now, I understand that you’ve read that and thought “he means I should get a couple of multipacks in”. I don’t. You need an amount of crisps that will end up burying someone alive if they so much as open the door.
If space is at a premium in your house, go for Pringles: they allow you to fit the most crisps per square foot of any popular potato snack.
I’m well aware that crisps aren’t the healthiest choice to offer your kids, but this is the summer holidays: the rules have changed. If you only take away one parenting hack for the upcoming 6 weeks, make sure it’s this one –
BE VERY CAREFUL NOT TO OFFER YOUR CHILDREN FOOD THAT WILL PROVIDE THEM WITH EVEN MORE ENERGY.
Little Jimmy’s gonna be breakdancing till 11pm if you keep replenishing him with edamame beans and hummus. You have been warned.
Playing in the garden
So you’ve made a mistake. Your little cherub fancied a snack, and you gave them something healthy like a banana or a fig. Don’t beat yourself up about it, we’re not all perfect.
How do you get him to burn all that energy off now though?
You plonk him in the garden, of course!
Kids love to run around outside and do all the things that they can’t do indoors (there’s no room with all those crisps lying around), so some garden activities are great for burning off some steam.
Water pistols are good, but increase the likelihood of an argument. Swingball’s good, but increases the chance of an argument. A game of tag is good, but increa…ok, let’s steer clear of anything competitive.
A paddling pool has the least chance of causing any friction between siblings. Beware though: on a sunny Saturday afternoon, a paddling pool calls to dads like a sultry inflatable siren. Do not heed that call. Water, sun and bare skin make for a heady cocktail, and by the time I got out of it a couple of hours later, the neighbours thought we were shooting another Hellboy sequel.
Board games
What? No! Don’t go buying any! Have you not been taking this advice in at all?
Burn every board game in the house before they leave school. Got a fire pit? Perfect. Otherwise you’re going to have to be creative with the barbecue.
Statistics show that the second most-heard phrase during the summer holidays is “I’m bored”.*
As soon as you hear those words, you have approximately 25 minutes before a dusty old board game is dug out from somewhere. If you can act swiftly, this gives you a small window to distract them with some crisps, to avoid playing Paddington Bear: The Game for an hour and half.
Like garden activities, board games are a potential hotspot for arguments. Kids’ board games tend to be totally dependent on chance and dice rolls, which means that it can be hard to throw the game to avoid an upset child. I’ve given up trying to lose now. In fact, I’ve even taught the kids how to play poker. Not only does losing teach them the dangers of gambling, but it also means that I recoup at least 90% of the pocket money I give them.
*Statistics compiled with a particularly small sample group of one household, and conducted by me.
Found this useful? You may also need solid parenting advice in the shape of –
The best lies to tell your kids
Teaching your child good manners: the dangers