Separating from a partner can be a stressful time, especially if you have children together. If you or your ex are moving out of a shared home, finding another place to live can take time, particularly if you want to remain close enough to see your children regularly. Add to that the change in financial circumstances and agreeing access to the children for both parties and it’s easy to see how emotional it can be. These tips will ensure you are able to give your children the continuity they need during this challenging time.
Remain Civil
Depending on the reason you and your ex are separating, emotions may be running high, but if children are involved, it is always important to remain civil. Children, even babies, notice tension and this can manifest through behaviour, stress or even illness. However hard it may be, remember that you and your ex are the adults in this situation. Wherever possible, come to amicable agreements that will benefit all parties, such as arranging time with the children around work shifts.
This is not the time for petty point scoring. Providing as much stability as possible for your children must be the priority for both you and your ex – this is an enormous change for them so put your differences aside and cooperate with each other to give your children the support they need.
Talk (Using a Mediator if Necessary)
Following a separation, you and your ex will be forging new lives apart. It can be beneficial to everyone if there are clear expectations about what will happen moving forward. There will be lots to be discussed, including emotional issues such as finances and access. If one or both of you have new partners, it is worth talking about what involvement (if any) they will have with your children.
When emotions run high, you may find it helpful to have an impartial mediator present. This could be a friend or family member who you both trust to be fair and act in the best interests of your children, or it might be a professional such as a therapist or counsellor. In situations where you and your ex find it hard to communicate, it can be beneficial to follow a formal format. Having an agenda can ensure everything is discussed. It may also help to take notes with you that you can read – this can be less emotive and allow you to stay on track.
Seek Advice from a Reputable Family Lawyer
If you and your ex are having difficulty communicating, struggling to come to an arrangement that suits both of your needs, or you have a lot of shared assets, seeking legal advice may be necessary. Contact a law firm who specialises in family law such as Cordell and Cordell. A family lawyer will be able to utilise their experience and apply it to your own individual circumstances and this expertise is invaluable. Not only will they be able to advise on maintenance payments and access, but they can also assist with other aspects of family law such as divorce.
Remember, while this is an unusual situation for you, a family lawyer deals with complex cases every day. They are in a position of authority and can guide you through the process one step at a time.
Although going through a separation is difficult, this time will pass. Focus on what is most important moving forward – the wellbeing of your children, the strength of your relationship with them and knowing that your future holds brighter days.