Toddler keeps waking up – Some tips for a good night’s sleep
Toddler night waking separation anxiety – don’t leave them to ‘cry it out’
You’ve probably been told a million times already to just let your toddler ‘cry it out’. The age-old advice is just to leave them crying until they get bored, and eventually realise you won’t come to them.
I’m not a big fan of this.
I’ve got friends and relatives who this method has apparently worked for, and I’m sure you have too. Every baby is different though. There’s no one solution that works for everyone, and in the case of just leaving toddlers to cry, I actually think it does more harm than good for some kids.
The thinking behind this method is that the toddler will stop crying if they know that you’re not coming to them. This suggests that your toddler waking up at night and crying isn’t just because they’re upset, but instead because they want you to come and hang out with them. If you think about things from a toddler’s perspective though, I don’t think it’s wise to leave them.
Think like a toddler
Toddlers rely on us for everything. They can’t just change their own nappy, get themselves a drink, or even retrieve their own dummy if it’s fallen out of the cot. Even if your toddler doesn’t need any of those particular things right now, it can be scary for them to think that there’s nobody around to help them if they need it.
All day long they have a friendly adult to help them, but then suddenly they’re left all alone in a room to fend for themselves. If you were to cry out and somebody came to you, wouldn’t that that make you feel more relaxed than worrying that there’s nobody there at all?
There’s a fine line to be had in attending to them though. I would never ignore an upset cry, but try not to let it become a routine for them. As long as you’re present for them when they’re checking you’re there, they can remain reassured with your presence. You don’t have to stay long; just a quick check, and out again will suffice.
Feed them more
There’s a reason that so many of us fall asleep on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon, and that’s the big Sunday dinner! Kids are no different, and will generally be more inclined to doze off if their tummy is full. It can be hard to gauge a proper portion size for a toddler, as they seem to eat loads when they’re starting a growth spurt, and much less when they’re not. Let your toddler’s hunger guide you. Offer some more food after their meal and see if they go for it. As long as you’re serving up healthy fare, and your little one isn’t showing signs of being dramatically overweight (a little pudgy face and tum is normal for a toddler, a double chin the size of their torso isn’t), they’ll be fine.
Be careful not to feed them a big dinner and then put them to bed straight afterwards, as this can cause some digestive discomfort. Give them at least half an hour or so for the food to settle a little.
Change nap times up
If your toddler wakes up all night, it’s likely that they’re going to need the odd nap in the day. This is where you can change things up and potentially alter their nighttime sleep. As I keep saying though, every toddler is different, so there’s going to be a little trial and error involved here.
Your options are to potentially change the time of your toddler’s nap, change the duration of it, cut it out all together, or allow for one and alter their bedtime instead. There’s a fair amount of experimentation for you here. As ever, see what works for your little one and build from that.
Go outdoors
By far the most successful way to stop our toddler waking in the night was to take her out. Our little girl was born right at the start of the pandemic, and as such hadn’t been outdoors a great deal. As you can imagine, she got pretty bored of staring at the same toys within the same four walls after a while.
We’ve got the beach nearby, and something about that sea air really knocks us all out at the end of the day. If you live further inland though, just getting outdoors at all will often do the trick. It’s a case of your child seeing, hearing, and smelling a variety of new things. There’s so many everyday experiences that will be brand new to your toddler, and just processing all this new information is enough to tire them out.
If the weather’s alright, it’s a great idea to let them roam about in the back garden or in a park. This extra-sensory experience can really tire them out and hopefully prevent your toddler waking in the middle of the night too.
Patients in care homes tend to have serotonin supplements to help them sleep, as they don’t get outside enough to receive it naturally through daylight. Getting outside costs nothing, and will help improve your own mood too. Win win!
Check for illness
I’m no medical professional, but it’s worth checking to see if there’s any problem that could be causing your toddler to wake up at night. This is especially worth considering if they had no trouble sleeping through beforehand. Coughs and mucus build ups can make it trickier for toddlers to sleep, as can bellyaches and rashes. Make sure you can rule out any illnesses before looking for other solutions.
What to do when toddler wakes up at night? The first thing is to stay calm!
Toddlers aren’t daft. They know you’re stressed and when you’re happy. Again, try to see matters from your child’s perspective. If a tensed-up stressed parent grabs me from my cot, rams a bottle in my face and performs a perfunctory rock back and forth on me, I’m not going to find that relaxing at all. What’s upset my mummy/daddy? Are they upset with me? Why aren’t they being nice?
The middle of the night isn’t the time to give your toddler all these questions. A calm and caring parent provides reassurance for the toddler; everything is as it usually is, I can rest.
I realise it’s easier said than done, and when either myself or my wife is feeling the strain, we tag the other one in. More often than not, the sleepier and calmer parent taking over, can get the child off to sleep relatively quickly after the wired and stressed parent has been trying for hours.
If you are feeling the strain, and don’t have someone to tag in, then try to change your routine slightly to help yourself out. This can be as simple as factoring in a daytime nap alongside your toddler, or just making sure that you get outside and go for a walk. Don’t feel bad about taking care of yourself once in a while; it will only benefit your child to have a happy and healthy parent.
Make their room a safe and tranquil space
While you may think that the teddy bear wallpaper you carefully picked for the nursery is beautiful, your toddler may well be terrified of those furry little critters plastered all over their wall. When I was younger, I was scared stiff of a weird clown picture we had in our kitchen, which, as I type this, actually seems fairly reasonable.
If your little one seems genuinely disturbed by something you can’t put your finger on though, it may be worth replacing any posters or wallpaper to see if it makes a difference. Consider looking into some wall murals or photo wallpaper of images that they’re both familiar and happy with. If your child loves your family pet, or a particular playground, then an image of either could make for a calming sight for them. If that doesn’t appeal to your home aesthetic, then something timeless and without characters, such as a picture of some clouds, may well do the job instead.
Take them for a drive
Sometimes the old ones are the best. Usually our kids would go to sleep in the car at just the times that we didn’t want them to! If your toddler gets sleepy in the car too, use it to your advantage and take them for a spin if they’re showing no signs of nodding off.
Of course, this method isn’t recommended if you’re running on 3 hours sleep over the course of the last 4 days. If you’re tired and stressed out, it’s probably not a good idea to get behind the wheel. If you’re awake enough though, a little late night drive with some soothing music on is near guaranteed to knock out your little one. You’ll have to be careful not to wake them up when removing them from the car seat though. In my experience they really don’t like that! Don’t be tempted to leave them in the car seat either. Having their chin tucked into their chest isn’t great for breathing over long periods of time.
Keep an eye on the temperature in the room
Another case of seeing what suits your particular toddler. All kids will struggle to sleep if they’re too hot or too cold. The trick is in finding what’s too hot or too cold for your particular child. Our daughter seems to prefer the temperature on the cooler side of normal, so when the cold weather came in and we started cranking the heating up, she was up a lot more. It didn’t help that her cot is close to the radiator too. Consider the positioning of the cot and where the room is likely to be hot or feel a draught. We’ve got rattly old radiators too, so every time they’d fire up, it’d cause our daughter to stir.