Hey, don’t start judging, okay?
I’m a fun dad. I play with my kids and enjoy mucking about, honest! Sometimes though, you’re just beat.
You may have just gotten home from a hard day at work, or you might have already being playing with them for the last seven hours. Either way, there’s a time when you need to take a break, while somehow still managing to entertain the kids.
That’s when you break out the LPGP (Lazy Parent’s Guide to Playing – I’m so lazy that I’ve initialised the title). Here’s a selection of some of the best techniques. They are each scored according to how effortless the activity is and how entertained the kids remain.
Hide & Seek
The classic. HIde behind the door to get your turn out of the way, then put your feet up as your kids wait for you to find them.
This is especially effective if you still need to walk around the house, as you can lengthen the game by occasionally muttering “Where on Earth are they?” as you walk past a giggling lumpy duvet on the kitchen floor.
LPGP Rating: 6.5/10 – Loses points for effort involved in both your own turn for hiding, and the surprised reaction you need to make when they eventually jump out from behind the never-normally pulled across shower curtain.
The Footstool
It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, kids like you to pretend that they’re a cushion and ask you to sit on them. While I wouldn’t recommend that (I’m not exactly at my goal weight), there’s little harm in them being a footstool instead.*
Put your feet up and relax for a while. If you want to insure yourself against your child getting bored, make sure they’ve got a tablet to hand too.
LPGP Rating: 8/10 – *While I say there’s little harm in using your child as a footstool, it would be remiss of me to omit the fact that I’m not a qualified physiotherapist.
Gobs Shut for Haribo
Kids love the happy taste of Haribo.
What the ads don’t tell you though, is that kids would eat a soggy cardboard box if it had enough sugar sprinkled on it. Feel free to use whatever sweets you like.
I say sweets instead of chocolate or other sweet treats because you can get a bag of several dozen relatively cheaply. You’re going to go through quite a few in order to maximise your lazy time.
The premise is very simple: shout “GOBS SHUT FOR HARIBO!” and see which of your children can stay quiet the longest. The quiet one wins a sweet.
Of course, if your kids were being smart about this, they’d work together to take turns in talking straightaway, and empty your sweets bag between them in a couple of minutes.
Kids are greedy little gets though, so will try to outdo their siblings by staying schtum for as long as it takes.
Only have the one child? Use the alarm feature on your phone to time them for a minute in order to win a sweet. It may not sound long enough, but a decent-sized bag of sweets can earn you a quiet half hour easily!
LPGP rating: 9/10 – Despite the small risk of the children working together, this can actually be pretty effective after a while.
At Work on Valentine’s
We’ve all seen the romantic films in which the guy leaves a cute treasure hunt for his girlfriend while he’s stuck at work. She has to figure out a series of badly rhyming clues to take her to the next one, till in the end she discovers a ring, or something equally gushy. While the romantic male lead in the movie is stuck at work though, you’ll be sat on your couch watching Football Focus.
This one takes some prep, but can earn you a solid half hour if done correctly.
You’ll need to make sure that you’ve pitched the puzzles right. Too easy, and it’s completed in a couple of minutes. Too difficult, and you’ll be bothered with questions all the way through.
Incorporating word searches and other time-consuming puzzles is the way to go here. Make sure that the prize at the end is confectionary that takes some time to get through: toffee or everlasting gobstoppers, say.
LPGP rating: 6/10 – Very effective, but requires some serious preparation. So much in fact, that you can’t really call it suitable for a lazy parent.
Do you have any lazy parent hacks to share? Please let me know.
No seriously, PLEASE let me know.
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