You ever heard those parents that spout absolute guff such as “well, I guess running around after these two keeps me young”? Keep you young? Kids? No. Let me tell you: there’s nothing more aging than bringing up children. Those mini-humans have a nasty habit of making you feel old at every possible turn. I
6 Ways That Kids Make You Feel Old Read More »
Honesty is always the best policy. This is what we teach our kids in order for them to grow into good well-rounded individuals. Problem is, that we do this while lying through our teeth 24/7. They want the truth? They can’t handle the truth! That’s why we’ve compiled our list of the most necessary lies
6 Necessary Lies to Tell Your Children Read More »
Babies. One of life’s great puzzles. How are they made? What could they possibly be laughing at in their sleep? And just how can we determine what emotions they are feeling when they can’t talk to us? Fear not, reader, for Paternal Damnation has enlisted the entirely fictional top child psychologist Dr Luke Atderfaysz, who
How to Read a Baby’s Mind Read More »
I’ve got a new baby, and boy, she’s a cute one! Have a look. She is absolutely perfect, and actually pretty placid. We spend ages just looking at each other: me thinking “wow, you’re so beautiful”, and her thinking “holy shit, what’s this thing made out of hair and teeth looking at?”. There’s five years
6 Things I’d Forgotten About Having a Baby Read More »
You’re stuck indoors. Even if you could venture outside, you haven’t got a babysitter. All you have for dinner are the things you’ve purposely been ignoring at the back of the cupboard for the last decade. In short, your meal looks about as entertaining as an ITV double bill of Tipping Point. How do you
Condiments Ranked Definitively From Best to Worst – No Arguments Read More »
I’m probably not as much of a disciplinarian with my kids as I should be. While Mummy gets the all the grief for being the bad cop, I’m able to swoop in and play the good cop. I know, I know, it’s not fair. I guess it’s a hangover from being out at work most
My Son’s Ridiculous and Long-Winded Bedtime Routine Read More »
I shouldn’t be surprised really. I’m someone who has had so many hobbies that you could say that one of my hobbies is collecting hobbies. It’s no surprise then that my son has also started to get passionate about lots of different topics too. What’s his obsession at the moment? Street sign spotting. Yes, as
Odd Hobbies for Kids: Street Sign Spotting Read More »
How do you know how to choose the right football club for 5-year-olds to join? Get it right and down the line your progeny might bring you a Bentley Continental for Father’s Day; get it wrong and he’ll be put off the beautiful game forever. I’m joking of course. I’m not one of those dads
Choosing a Football Club for 5-year-olds to Join Read More »
It’s something you might be asking yourself: just when should you remove your baby monitor from your child’s room? If you don’t need it elsewhere, it may be worth leaving where it is. Here’s an account of the weekend I realised I wasn’t SuperDad, and why I’m OK with that. It goes without saying, we’d
When Should You Remove your Baby Monitor? Not Yet! Read More »
When it comes to teaching your child good manners, are there any hidden problems to look out for? “Now Tarquin, what’s the magic word?” “Pleeeease!” We’ve all heard this conversation, prompted our children in the same way, and even been on the receiving end back when we were all ill-mannered little louts, but is there
Teaching Your Child Good Manners: The Dangers Read More »
